Actor

Every actor eventually is called upon to act drunk. Most do this by slurring their speech, stumbling around, and perhaps drooling a bit. This is what a freshman drama teacher calls “indicating.” A better way to appear drunk is to act very, very sober. Walk very carefully, and try not to let anyone see that you’re inebriated. This is much more subtle and will register on a level the audience won’t immediately recognize.

Cardboard Box Flattener

When hitting the sealed bottom of a cardboard box to flatten it, do not punch it with your knuckles like you’re boxing—that will start to hurt real quick. Instead, strike it with the bottom of your fist, as if your hand were a gavel.

Botanist

When working in the field, stick a strip of duct tape to your pants. You can take it off while working to quickly remove large masses of ticks, biting ants, and thorns. If you know the length of each of your fingers as well as your handbreadth in centimeters, you can measure the leaves of most plants without having to pull the ruler out of your backpack. And when doing botanical work in South America, steer clear of the monkeys: They will throw sticks at you with surprising accuracy.

Attorney

Do whatever it takes to fit your contracts onto a single page: Format with single-spacing, use a 10- or 9-point font, and reduce the margins to less than an inch. Most people assume any contract that fits on one page will be simple and straightforward, and even sophisticated negotiators can be charmed by the lack of a staple.

Jeweler

When setting a semiprecious gem, set a tiny piece of silver or gold foil behind it to make it sparkle.Also, because most stones are pretty irregular (being stones and all), fill the base of the setting with sawdust so the stone will set evenly.

Graphic Designer

If you have a client who is unable to approve a proposed design without putting her stamp on it, just put an obvious error in the proposal: a logo that’s too large, a font that’s too small, or a few judiciously seeded typos. The client requests the change and feels she’s done her part—and your design, which was perfect all along, sails through to approval.

Forester

Never walk behind another person in the woods, because yellow jackets build their nests underground. The first person in line will disturb the nest when they walk over it, but it’s the poor suckers trailing behind who catch the wrath of the stirred-up bees. You can generally tell the more experienced forester in the group because he’ll be the one in the lead.The senior forester also will be the one either driving the truck or sitting in the middle seat; it’s the guy who’s riding “shotgun” who has to get out to open and close every gate they encounter.

Desktop Support

When desktop support technicians resolve a ticket, they are usually required to document the cause and solution to the problem. Supervisors see these records, so you have to be professional, but can usually get away with using the acronym “PEBKAC” in situations where the user caused the initial problem. PEBKAC stands for “Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair.”

Clarinetist

Clarinetists in orchestras often need to swap between a clarinet in the key of B-flat and one in the key of A right in the middle of a piece—with only about two seconds to spare. To do this they must yank the mouthpiece off the instrument they’re playing, grab the other clarinet from its stand, shove the mouthpiece onto the new clarinet, and drop the other one onto the stand. Worse, clarinets are black, clarinet stands are black, and this maneuver is usually done in the darkness of a concert hall. So what many clarinetists do to know which clarinet they’re holding is place a piece of blue painter’s tape on the back of one, or use thumb rests of different colors. And to help aim for the clarinet stand, some paint theirs with glow-in-the-dark paint.

Balloon-Twister

When you’re twisting balloons for children, never tell them what you’re making. The majority of the finished products—despite your best attempts—almost always look like a dog, a blastula, or something vaguely phallic. If you identify what you’re actually attempting to make, the children will respond to your finished product with, “That doesn’t look like a [insert animal name]…” But if you make the animals and then ask, “What does it look like to you?” the child’s imagination will take over, turning the blue, four-legged balloon into Blue from Blue’s Clues, the blastula into a Pokemon, and the phallic object into an elephant. You’ll also get bonus points because you were so cool for making exactly what they wanted.